At its root, self-criticism is a protective mechanism. Its function is to save us from social and professional failures. Our critical voice is trying to keep us in line with our values (although it could afford to be a little nicer about it).Being overly critical can actually be counterproductive. Harsh criticism isn’t really motivating, it’s demoralizing. And it certainly doesn’t put us in the position to learn from our mistakes and move forward in a constructive way.Self-forgiveness, on the other hand has many benefits, both internally and externally.
Can-Am would like to bring awareness to these 5 benefits of forgiving yourself to help improve our mental state of mind:
1. Improves emotional and mental health
Our negative thoughts can exacerbate stress, anxiety, and depression. When we are compassionate with ourselves, we relieve the internal pressure of these negative emotions. Those who practice self-forgiveness have better mental and emotional well-being, more positive attitudes and healthier relationships.
2. Increases productivity
We all make mistakes. When we dwell on and try to minimize them (or become paralyzed by fear of failure) we don’t have the energy to learn from them and move on. Self compassion improves our confidence, empathy, focus, and resilience.
3. Reduces cognitive dissonance
When we do something that feels “wrong,” we feel psychological discomfort (A.K.A cognitive dissonance). This feeling is a good early warning that we’re off course and out of step with your values. Navigating this feeling as a learning experience and a way to bring you back into alignment helps to reduce the negative effects of cognitive dissonance.
4. Decreases impostor syndrome
When we let go of our need to be perfect, we can embrace a growth and learning mindset. This attitude of being an eternal student is fundamentally at odds with imposter syndrome. When you embrace that you’re not perfect, you won’t have such a hard time forgiving yourself for your mistakes. You’ll see them as opportunities to grow as you keep moving forward — and they may even become your competitive advantage.
5. Improves your physical health
In addition to your mental health, letting go of guilty feelings has physical health benefits. Studies show strong correlations between forgiveness and overall health. The biggest improvements were in cardiovascular health, with noted reductions in pain, cortisol levels, and blood pressure.
How to forgive yourself
Here are some ways to kickstart the forgiveness and healing process:
1. Understand that you’re not perfect
You’re not perfect. Say it in the mirror, write it down, get it on a coffee cup. You’re not perfect, and you’re not a bad person either. You’re just a human being. Extend yourself the same grace that you extend to others. Are you expecting yourself to live up to standards you would never impose on anyone else?
2. Get clear on why you’re upset with yourself
Try to uncover what’s at the root of your guilty feelings. Is it perfectionism? Have you caused someone else pain? Have you done something that you’re embarrassed about? Whatever it is, is probably uncomfortable to look atbut taking it head-on can be educational. Chances are, it’s not hard to imagine someone else doing the same thing and being completely unbothered. For example, I get very frustrated with myself when I don’t complete things on time. It’s the number one thing I beat myself up about. Yet I have friends that are typically late and could care less. And guess what? I don’t think that they’re bad people.Try to be scientific about what happened and why it’s bothering you so much. In my case, being late makes me feel irresponsible and incompetent. I don’t like to think of myself as either of these things, and I don’t want anyone else feeling that way either.
3. Repair what you can
Once you’ve identified what your “wrongdoing” is, you’ll be able to tell if you need to make amends for it. You may owe someone an apology. Even if the ship has sailed and you’ll never have a chance to make it up, you can acknowledge it for yourself so you can let go of the past. You’re not a bad person, you just didn’t finish/do/get/say something. It’s not fun, but it happens.
4. Find a way to close the door
This is the most challenging part of self-forgiveness. Now that you’ve seen what your part in it is (and isn’t) find some closure. Apologize, or not. Fix it, or not. But whatever it is, move on.
5. Regain perspective
Most of us aren’t ER surgeons — meaning that when we dropped the ball it doesn’t have life-or-death repercussions. But when we get wrapped up in self-condemnation, it certainly feels that way. Talking to a friend, a therapist, or pretty much anyone who would listen to me beat myself up really helped me to dig out of the guilt. I learned that no one was really as mad at me as I was. The good news about that was that I could always choose to cut myself some slack.
Its up to us to help ourselves:
Self-forgiveness begins with self-awareness. The methods and ideology listed in this blog can help with awareness of our state of mind, and will help us to learn how to obtain self-forgiveness in our day to day lives.Many times facing these matters alone can bring us to a place of confusion and frustration. These are the times that may require professional guidance to support and educate us on our path to achieving self-forgiveness. Can-Am Interventions is here for you to assist and facilitate treatment, and to provide council to assure your best opportunity of achieving your goals. We are here ready to help you!
E: patti.pike@canaminterventions.com
1-800-638-1812 Toll Free Internationally
415-827-3725 Cell /Text
415-578-2875 Office
