Alcoholism in the family is a very common and difficult dynamic. Not only is it hard to watch our loved one’s struggle, it has a direct impact on our own lives. But change is possible, for you and the person drinking. There are ways to cope better when someone close to you is drinking in a harmful way. Building your coping skills and asking for help will make a difference. Can-Am Interventions would like to bring awareness to this very common issue and to provide some methods on how to cope.
Look after your own needs
Family members living with dependent drinkers often neglect themselves. They can be too busy looking after the other person or taking on extra responsibilities.
Remember:
- you did not cause it
- you cannot control it
- you cannot cure it
Put yourself and others affected first.
Make sure you and others affected:
- ask for help
- get enough sleep
- eat well
- take time away from the problems, even by going for a walk or visiting a friend
Recognise that harmful drinking affects you too
You may experience violence or financial problems. But there may also be less obvious effects, such as:
- missing sleep
- feeling worn out, afraid, anxious or resentful
Try to recognise and express your feelings.
Know that you’re not to blame
You may blame yourself for the problem or for not being able to solve it. You may feel responsible when their drinking affects family members or causes problems.
Examples include:
- financial worries
- feeling you are letting others down
- feeling you have failed in the relationship
Do not feel you have to solve the problem
As much as you may want to, and as hard as it is to watch, you cannot make someone stop drinking. There are things you can do to help and support the person. But in the end, the choice to try to change the harmful drinking is theirs.
Learn about dependence and recovery
Understanding alcohol dependence and recovery can make you feel more in control. Your GP can talk to you about alcohol dependence and advise you about recovering from alcohol dependence.
Talk to other people
Living with a dependent or problem drinker can make you feel isolated. You may feel ashamed to talk about it or feel that you are the only person going through these problems. You do not need to feel ashamed. Alcohol dependency affects many families from every social class, race and culture. It can be a relief to talk to other people, particularly people going through the same thing. There are support groups for families coping with alcohol dependency such as Al-anon. You can also turn to trusted friends, a therapist, or other resources in your community.
If you have children
- Arrange a weekly activity – for example, watching a movie, playing a game together or going to the park.
- Agree with the person drinking that they will not get drunk in front of the children.
- Arrange a sleepover with friends or family.
- Learn active listening techniques – these can help children talk about their feelings.
- Contact a family or young persons support service.
Help?
Alcoholism is a difficult problem, especially when it involves our loved ones. This makes the issue much more complicated. It is our nature to try and “save” or “fix” the problem of the alcoholic. This will only lead us to more heartbreak and complications. Can-Am would like to offer support and guidance to those who have questions, or who have the need for council for the alcoholic and the family involved. We are here to provide treatment options best suited for the alcoholic, as well to offer support through council and guidance. If you or someone you care about struggles with alcohol addiction, please feel free to reach out to us. We are here to listen and to help.
E: patti.pike@canaminterventions.com W:www.canaminterventions.com
1-800-638-1812 Toll Free Internationally
415-827-3725 Cell /Text
415-578-2875 Office