Included here is a list provided by Can-Am Interventions of the best tips for parents of addicted children to follow. By utilizing these strategies, you can provide your child with the stability andunderstanding needed to aid in their treatment and recovery.
1. Strengthen the relationship
Someone struggling with addiction will often use deceitful tactics to secure and use more of the substance, regardless of the negative outcomes for themselves or others. These actions will significantly damage the relationship you have worked to build with them. You can combat this by working to strengthen and rebuild the relationship.
A key way to accomplish this is through open and assertive communication. Good communication can help you catch problems early and react in appropriate ways. Assertive communication includes a balance of asking questions and activelylistening to drive a productive conversation.
The best types of questions will be open-ended and nonjudgmental. An open-ended question is one that cannot be answered with one word. Open-ended questions are helpful because they allow for increased communication and a better exchange of ideas. These questions have the goal of helping you learn more information about your child and allowing them to express their concerns, struggles, and hopes.
When communicating, try to:
- Stay engaged and focused.
- Display a sense of acceptance and understanding.
- Be kind and respectful.
- Reduce distractions.
- Focus on the good.
- Diminish negative reactions.
Being overly emotional is not a part of assertive communication. If you find yourself tooupset, sarcastic, or irrational to manage your emotions, consider leaving the situation with a plan to return to the subject at another time. It’s very important to return to the conversation within a reasonable period—ignoring the problem will not make it go away.
2. Encourage Positive Behaviors and Treatment
When there is too much focus on the mistakes and poor decision-making of the child, they will have diminished confidence, lower self-esteem, and a decreased sense of personal power. These effects can lead to continued substance use. Instead, emphasizethe positives and encourage desirable behaviors. Using encouragement and optimism builds a sense of teamwork and cooperation while reducing conflict and negativity.
This style will enable them to:
- Try new healthy coping skills.
- Engage in new activities.
- Build more appropriate peer relationships.
- Face challenges.
3. Create and Reinforce Consistent Guidelines
- Establishing guidelines will set clear expectations for your child regarding acceptable and unacceptable behaviors. Clear, consistent rules are related to improved outcomes with addiction. Not only will guidelines help your child, but they will also help to determine your reactions to situations as they present.
- Guidelines work best when they are developed in collaboration with your child. This way, all parties have a say regarding the consequences of their behaviors before the behavior is completed.
- The best guidelines will read like a list of cause and effect statements—if (action) occurs, (response) will be the consequence. Since it is concretely established, there will be no surprises later. Of course, it will be impossible to cover every contingency, but by establishing guidelines for the most common events, you can reduce the odds of emotionally fueled reactions that have less-than-productive outcomes.
- No matter how strong your guidelines are, poor consistency will render them ineffective. If your child has been driving under the influence and you take their keys in some situations but not others, you are reducing the efficacy of your guidelines. This inconsistency will diminish the relationship with your child as their respect for you decreases.
4. Set Clear Boundaries
Whereas guidelines are a set of rules based on behaviors, your boundaries are the things that you will and will not do for your child. They represent reasonable ways forpeople to treat you and for you to treat them. Those with drug addictions are notoriously good at testing the boundaries of those they love directly, or indirectly through manipulation. Set your boundaries during periods of calm when you can think rationally about what you will accept and what you won’t. This will help you avoid inconsistency during times when your boundaries are tested.
To build strong, clear boundaries with your child, consider the following questions:
- Are you willing to lie for your child?
- Are you willing to sacrifice your needs for the wants of your child?
- What level of substance use are you willing to accept, if any?
- How do you expect to be treated by your child?
5. Practice Self-Care
Self-care is the act of making your needs a priority and is a valuable tool for parents of addicted children. As you attempt to care for your child’s needs during long periods of turmoil, your stress grows towards burnout. Increased stress can present as a number of physical and mental health conditions, such as:
- Depression.
- Anxiety
- Weakened immune system (making you more prone to illness).
- Obesity.
- Memory and attention problems.
- Heart disease.
- Cancer
- Diabetes.
- Arthritis.
Caring for yourself will actually aid in your ability to care for your child, because if you are experiencing unwanted effects from stress, you will be less competent in decision-making, consistency, and encouragement. Practicing appropriate self-care also allows you to model desirable behaviors for your child. You can lead by example.
In some situations, you cannot maintain your own health if your child’s actions continue without change. More restrictive boundaries and guidelines may be needed to improve your well-being, with terminating the relationship being an option to be considered in extreme circumstances.
Help?
Addiction can be a very complicated and enduring road to travel. This is especially true when it comes to our children. Often, they believe they know what is best for them and can lack the trust they have within their own family and support network. This is best handled by a village rather than just on the shoulders of the parents. A large support network for the parents and family is the best chance of success for all involved, most importantly the child. Can-Am Interventions is here to provide support, education, guidance and council, as well to provide the treatment that is best suited for the addicted. This is unknown territory for many and it is highly advised to incorporate help from trusted and experienced sources. We are here not only to help the addict but also to support the support network of the child (i.e. the parents, family, friends etc.). If you or someone you care about is facing this common and dire problem, we invite you to reach out to us. We are here to help.
E: patti.pike@canaminterventions.com
1-800-638-1812 Toll Free Internationally
415-827-3725 Cell /Text
415-578-2875 Office
